Experience

Light is considered an allusion to many things. Writers say light is an allusion to knowledge, truth, purity, love, righteousness, etc. I am not a professional writer, poet, English major, or college taught at all but ideas should be fought with ideas not prejudice. I feel light can be anything. Light can be blinding, illuminating like truth and such. Light can be warmth the sun gives warming your skin. Right now in my life light is Christ and his blessings he gives. In the last couple of week I have received many blessings. My grandma had major surgery but is recovering incredibly well and we found that my cousins medical issues are nothing big and might have been caused by stress. I have gotten in contact with family members I haven't in months on one it has been years. I got to talk to my role model brother who is across the world. I am extremely blessed right now. I can only thank those who have prayed for our family, supported me, loved me, or made me smile in the last couple of weeks. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Emotions I hate to feel. Now I promise that the next time you see me I will be smiling( that is if life goes as it has been ). I am soo ready to tackle 2009. Christ has touched my life once again with his sweet spirit. I have had such a testimony builder the last couple of months. Christ is truly light. He is truth, love, knowledge, warmth, etc. I would be nothing without him. I shall take the next step forward with Christ lighting the way. He is my light, life, and Savior. Let the New Year come!!

Let your light shine. Shine within you so that it can shine on someone else.

Oprah Winfrey

Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.
Aldous Huxley

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.
Vernon Sanders Law

Experience teaches only the teachable.
Aldous Huxley

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
Barry LePatner

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Franklin P. Jones

-Taz

Finals week = BEST WEEK EVER

I know it's an oxymoron but you guys have no idea. I had the most fun at school and with friends during finals week. Seminar and 10 minute passing periods made my whole day. There were one of the few things that kept me sane from all the insane studying and testing. I mean you get to flirt with the guy you think is great makes you smile the rest of the day or it does for me. My friends are convinced this guy has brought a new me out after we talk and joke around. They say I'm all giddy and just beam. They are convinced that he likes me too but I don't think so. I think we're just friends. It's fine being friends, for now, it makes my day quite interesting. But I keep seeing him while I'm being stupid like having a snowball fight or catching me with no makeup on . Really, can he not see me when I have a great hair day or when I look super cute, NOPE! Hahahahahaha but it's always that way isn't it? ;P Other things that made my finals week bearable was AMAZING GIFTS from friends, like a plastic reindeer that poops jelly beans, the BEST SCRAPBOOK EVER of me and my BFF, a couple of fuzzy dogs, etc. I even got to hang out with my "sister". Yeah Heather, a shout out to you. YOU DA BOMB!! Do you see now?

THIS WEEK MADE ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus I got high B or an A on my finals except maybe for one, but that's great for a first time high school final week. It may have been finals week but I found my support system this week. I had an amazing week. Thank you to all that made me laugh and lifted my spirits. You really did make a difference in my week. Since I'm in a loving mood here's the ending quote with a little love theme.....

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. Carl Jung

All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand. Ella Wheeler Wilcox

We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Murdoch

-Taz

Don't Give Up

After reading all my blogs you could have seen that I was having terrible week after horrible week etc. I was on a downward spiral to bitterness. Well, after sharing my testimony in church things just seem to be lifted. I am still feeling hurt before I drift into the bliss of sleep but the days changed. Things started going my way, people were kinder, many things that cheer me up just happened. Snow, mint hot coco, finishing homework early so I can play the piano & flute, and of course a crush of mine talked with me for a while ( yeah I have a couple ). I do have a testimony now of how you should never give up. Even in the darkest of nights of silent tears and pain to the soul Christ lifts you up. I was given a message in seminary ( 6 am bible study for my non-LDS readers) that I couldn't stop pondering. He did bless me. Not how I would ever imagine but I was. I am eternally grateful. Things now are just looking a little more cheerful. I am on the climb up to where I was. How do I get there? CHRIST!! Friends and family can help all the ways the can but in the end I must rely on Christ and our Heavenly Father. Especially now that finals are coming up and the stress level is rising, turn more to him. With him anything is possible.

Instead of my quotes that I usually put I want to put a song that just inspired me while I was down. I imagined Christ singing this to me. It really touched my heart. It is called You Are Loved by Josh Groban.

Don't give up

It's just the weight of the world

When your heart's heavy I, I will lift it for you

Don't give up

Because you want to be heard

If silence keeps you I,

I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood

Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up

Because you are loved

Don't give up

It's just the hurt that you hide

When you're lost inside I, I'll be there to find you

Don't give up

Because you want to burn bright

If darkness blinds you I,

I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood

Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up

Because you are loved

You are loved Aaaah

Don't give up

Its just the weight of the world (You are loved)

Don't give up Everyone needs to be heard (Don't give up)

You are loved (You are loved - Don't give up)

~Taz

Death

This week has been STRESSFUL!! One person in my fam. came near death, another family member is having health problems, friends are being jerks, and I even lost one. Each day is a challenge. Who wants to face the world when your soul is broken? No one. I have it hurts, and you never feel at ease. Even in winter I can wear shorts outside and from the restlessness I just don't feel the wind. It seems my senses have drained away. I say I'm fine, I work fine, I feel fine but deeper I am wounded. How I heal it is unknown. I'll try. Hopefully with Christmas maybe the Christmas spirit will help it. I even was talking to my friend and admitted I feel as though the love of my family and friends is becoming casual. It doesn't work on me. I need to give love. I promise I will try. I don't want to look death in the eye again so instead I will embrace life.

Some people are so afraid do die that they never begin to live. -Henry Van Dyke

Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased by tales, so is the other. -Francis Bacon

Carpe Diem "For we are food for worms" Seize the day and live that one and only moment.

-Taz

Confidence

When someone hurts you, you just feel like the world turns against you. I walked around with a cloud of dis pair and heart ache. Friends asked if I was okay, always I would say I was "fine". Really I wanted to just sit and want them to hold me as I cry, it didn't matter if we were at school or church. During these weeks every tease or comment cuts you and feels like a sliver in your heart. But I'm strong and I got past it. I am rebuilding my confidence. I am accepting the love of God and my family as a replacement for the love I was looking for. I found that I can also fake confidence even when I feel none. Slowly I will have that great confidence that I dream of. Have you ever lost yours? Has anyone ever made you feel like you're worth a million bucks? I have had both just in the last few weeks. Turn to those who truly love you. They are the ones who will tell you the full worth that God feels and gave you.

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." Lao-Tzu
"Who has confidence in himself will gain the confidence of others." Leib Lazarow
I hope each one of you recognize that you are a child of God and he made you for a reason and loves you no matter what.
-Taz

Why must it hurt?

I finally got the guts to tell a guy that I like him. But instead of the wished for I like you too, I got the hurtful , Nah I like ya as a friend. But I still want to be friends with him. Why does it hurt when you open your heart to love? Paul someone once said "Love is being stupid together" and I have to say that I was being stupid and many of people I know have said that the boy was definitely dumb. Hehehehehehehe I might be bias though. Friendships seem to only be hurting me now. What can I do? How did you get over a guy?

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. James A. Baldwin

Nothing is miserable unless you think it is so. Boethius

Apparently I think this month seems misearble. I must learn to open my heart and love.
-Taz

NO TIME

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry to all my readers. I haven't had to time to update my blog in FOREVER!! Time seems to fly away from us. Along with patience. I demand Christmas to come faster. I must see all those who left me for school, and time to hang out with friends. I wish for all those that read to forgive me and I promise I will try harder to update more often.

How can appearance really hurt love and friendship? I thought a change would be great. I cut my hair short, short, SHORT and now friends and those I have a crush on look at me as if I am a different person. But I'm not talking about a good different. Why? Why must we only remember the looks of someone? Can we not love the inside and when they leave we remember the joy they bring or the sound of their laugh instead of their face popping into our head? I hope this week we can love our friends for the right reasons. Try an memorize their laughs, sound of their voice, or maybe their favorite Quick Trip concoction . The small things in life shows who people are. I love those random moments!

Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. Muhammad Ali

-Taz

Frankenstein

So how many of you have read the book by Mary Shelley? Mary had quite a let's say interesting life (to be nice). Well our English class is reading Frankenstein but even before we pick up a book we were given a worksheet. Not some ordinary black and white with no meaning worksheet. This one was special, well it was to me. This worksheet asked a 4 questions that blew my mind out of its pretty little world. What ere these extraordinary questions? There wasn't any , its the response to the questions my peers gave that were extraordinary. Your still wanting to know the questions aren't you? FINE here you go:

What would you do for something you're passionate about?

What are some things that you think shouldn't be tampered with by man?

What are some things that are more precise than money?

Do you think the society of America has virtues?

The answers of my peers made me wonder even more if the society of America. Their answers scared me. I ask you what are you willing to do ? Right after this activity our English teacher told us that if you think about it you can be passionaite about anything so how far you would go shows how far you are willing to cross the line or right and wrong. Personally I find this kind of surprising. It's true in a sense. I ask you ponder your answers and reread Frankenstein. Not only for Halloween but to compare yourself to the characters.

It is with our passions as it is with fire and water, they are good servants, but bad masters.

Aesop

-Taz

Wait, I thought I wasn't nervous?

So I went on my date! What a fool I made of myself!!!! Just imagine a girl with 2 left feet, a never ending box with stupid incorrect words, oh and a person stuck in a little kid's roller coaster and that was me. Why must boys do this to us? Can we not just be ourselves and suave without the nerves? But instead they make our heart jump, senses numb to the thought of them, and make a fool of ourselves. They play with our emotions without even meaning to. The ones that do play "the game" with us, STOP! We just want to know, just be simple because girls are they ones that are complex. We don't need another complex person in a relationship. But we can't live without them. Boys are boys, and men are just boys that grew .

None but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear.
Ferdinand Foch
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not
Andre Gide
-Taz

Natural Highs

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket.

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail.

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8.. Hearing your favorite song on the radio..

9. Lying in bed l listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. M ilkshake (any flavor).

12. A bubble bath.

13. Giggling.

14. Rolling down the windows while driving to a party song

15. The beach.

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter..

17. Laughing at yourself.

18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you

19. Midnight phone calls/ text messages that last for hours.

20. Running through sprinklers.

21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS

24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you or figuring out someone thinks your cute.

25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

26. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

27. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

28. Playing with a new puppy.

29. Having someone play with your hair.

30. Sweet dreams.

31. Hot chocolate.

32. Road trips with friends..

33. Swinging on swings.

34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger..

35. Making chocolate chip cookies.

36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies/ getting homemade cookies

37. Holding hands with someone you care about.

38. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

39. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

40. Watching the sunrise.

41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

42. Knowing that somebody misses you.

43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.

44. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

YES!!!

It happened! I finally got some guts!

I made a deal that if Nate would ask Emily, I would ask Daniel. We made the deal. So Thursday ( because it was the last day of seminary) I was going to ask him after seminary but Megan wanted to leave early so I had to do it the chicken way and ask him over a text. So I asked him and low and behold on the way home I get the answer. Yes. I'm excited that made my week! What else could make a girl feel so happy, oh except the fact this kid that didn't really talk to me last year spent the whole hour talking to me in class! I couldn't believe i! I'm so happy. Plus I finally got the car so I'm a little more independent and loving the fact I get places early of can leave when I wish. Life's good, a crush is better, and loving yourself is the best!

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
Bertrand Russell

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
David Viscott,

-Taz

Change

How many times in your life have you noticed a change? This week was all about opening my eyes and seeing those around me change and how I have changed.

All this week boys that last year would never even talk to me are now the ones starting conversations, wondering about my feelings and opinions. I have never thought the boys that are now becoming my friends would change for the better or even care that I'm in the room. Though it is different I'm not complaining. Maybe I'm changing too. I haven't had much me-time to find out but I feel different, older, a little more independent. Could that really change everything including friends. Why would any guy notice that? I have begun to actually enjoy a little change. Day after day things started to become the same but with a little burst of energy, friends, and change made my week extraordinary! Don't be ignorant to change but have a good attitude and it will turn out fine. You might even find you'll gain a couple friends on the way.

Things do not change; we change.
Henry David Thoreau
-Taz

Drivin' Me Crazy!

Boys are either clueless or just very sneaky. Why can't we just understand each other? This world would be so much easier. I would save me from going CRAZY!

I started off the week so excited with enough energy to power New York for 3 days. That energy now has gone to silly things. I just wish High School was more like college or even better like 2nd grade where everyone doesn't care what you look like or what you wear, but if you like the same things they do. I swear its stigmas without rhyme or reason. Life will look up because yesterday as it poured outside the church I went and danced in the rain. Three others joined and guess what? Sometimes its more fun getting wet and acting silly then staying inside all comfy and warm. For those who warm, forget the hair and make-up you got to wear a little mud and water to look completely gorgeous. It feels amazing! You lose feeling of the cold. Just let loose in the rain. It's the symbol of renewal, so let it be a new beginning. Anyway lots of homework to get done and studying so I'll leave you with a quote I liked.

You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw

I challenge each one of us to ask why not?

-Taz

I'm In!

So I finally did it! I made a blog. I don't think it will be updated much but it will let me keep contact with all those I know. So this week will finally be a release from all the homecoming stuff I've heard for the last 3 weeks. I'm ready for the normal day to day activity. But nothing is ever fully normal in my world. :P I'll keep you updated as soon as I can but for now I'm crashing, I've studied so much my brain hurts. Night
-Don't wait until the storm is over, just dance in the rain.